Back to China

September 1, 2014

Well, I’ve shared all the China stories I wrote over the past year. Second semester in China got busier and I didn’t make time to write. But, spring 2014 was filled with deepening friendships and seeing fruit from two Chinese girls becoming followers of Jesus!

I spent a month in America and that time has come and gone as I write this from the Seattle airport waiting to depart to Beijing. My time here was sweet, and I definitely missed people more than I thought! Thank you to the family and friends who hosted me, served me and sacrificed time to see me. I’m so grateful for you!

I’m not sure how often I’ll update this since I’ll be in China, but hopefully every once in a while. Thanks for following along, for your encouragement and for your prayers!

Until next time,
Jenn

China Challenges

December 21, 2013

I moved a few weeks ago. I was in a place with two American roommates, living comfortably. My American roommates lived an American lifestyle, busy scheduling, working, and most of their time was spent with foreigners. Yet I desired something more for my time in China… to live and learn from the Chinese believers. I wondered how I could do that with the limited Chinese I could speak. Yet God always makes a way.

An opportunity came for me to move in with one of my best friends here, Grace, along with her roommates. This apartment would add another half hour to my commute to school, but I would be living with three Chinese girls who loved the Lord and my Chinese speaking would quickly improve. This apartment was bigger, cheaper, and further out of the city of Beijing, which meant calmer and quieter. So, I moved.

I absolutely love it here. My roommates work in the day and come home afterwards. We cook together, clean together, pray together, worship together, and encourage each other. Every night, we have at least a few hours together to simply hang out. The TV may be on, music from the keyboard playing, and probably one of my roommates either checking my Chinese homework or reading with me. It’s been a blessing to be around those who truly value community with the ones you live with. Even though it’s so different than the American lifestyle of filling our free time with coffee and dinner dates, I like this Chinese lifestyle much more. It’s in my blood!

As a foreigner in China, I need to register with the police every place I live at. The government likes to keep track of where the foreigners are in the city of Beijing. When I arrived in Beijing, I registered with the police in my apartment complex with my American roommate. When I moved, I told Grace that I needed to register with the police. As a native Chinese, she was confused, but still went with me to the police station.

About 5 days ago, we started the walk to the police station. After almost 40 minutes of walking, we found it. As I pulled out my passport and Grace started talking to the police officer, we quickly learned we went to the wrong station. Grace found out that along with my passport, I also needed our landlord’s identification card and our signed contract of our apartment. Later that afternoon, Grace made a few calls to discover that our landlord has too many apartments, so rather than our apartment being under his name, it was under his son’s name who was still young and without an identification card. I felt anxiety overcome me and thought that if I can’t register with the police, I may have to move out. I was scared for not my safety, but for the safety of my roommates. Oh, because I forgot to mention, my new home is a place for Sunday morning worship. I was worried about the safety of my brothers and sisters. Grace and my other roommates prayed for me and this situation, but still, I was worried.

One day after the visit to the police station, we had our weekly prayer night. There were a few more people than usual, and we started late. What normally ends at 9pm ended around 9:45pm that night. As people were leaving, the neighbor from below us came up to talk. She said that we were being too loud and that her kids couldn’t sleep. She said that they didn’t mind that we worshiped on Sunday mornings, but didn’t want it to be during the week also. She threatened if we didn’t keep it down, she would tell the authorities about the house church.

I went to sleep fearful. What would happen if our home got caught? Would I get in trouble for being a part of this movement? I thought about moving out for the safety of my brothers and sisters. Would I get sent back to America? I wasn’t sure, but I was on the verge of freaking out.

The next few mornings I prayed a lot. I wrote in my journal my honest thoughts and was reminded that God is sovereign over all. The word of God comforted me as the Lord being my refuge, my stronghold against the world. I read verses that man couldn’t harm me and that the Lord would protect me. This brought me great peace.

A few days later, we went to a different police station with only my passport, a note written in Chinese, and landlord’s phone number. Grace thought it would be a better idea if she sent me with a note and I went alone. We prayed, we asked the Lord to allow me to register and set my mind at ease. We prayed for safety and protection of our apartment and church. Grace and I set off for the police station and once it was in view, we departed. I walked in, was greeted with a few English words from the police officer. I gave her my passport and was silent for 10 minutes, speaking only a few English words. After that time, she gave me back my passport and said I was done!

I walked out of the police station to find Grace nearby. We rejoiced together and my mind and heart were joyful. I was grateful I could stay living with my best friend in Beijing.

Thoughts that followed this experience was the difference and costs of living with Chinese versus foreigners. It also reminded me the risk of living where I am living, a place of worship for the Chinese. Even though fear and anxiety were present in me, the Lord was faithful. He was with me each step of the way and calmed my heart.

I know this isn’t the end of trials with my new living situation, it’s only the beginning. Yet, my Father will always provide. He will always protect me and He will never leave me. That, I’m sure of.

Heart Mirror

November 18, 2013

It ended an hour ago yet it’s still a vivid picture in my mind. There I was, sitting across from two of my favorite Chinese girls on my school’s basketball team. This was only our second English corner and I was sad to see that there were only two girls there. But, this was really part of a greater plan all along.

I pulled out this card “game” called Heart Mirror. (It’s similar to Cru’s “Soularium” in America.) These 50 cards contain thought provoking pictures. There’s one picture of a wad of cash, one of scenery, one of a guy with post-it notes sticking all over his head, one with a family, one with a chained door, and a variety of others. Along with the pictures are questions such as, “What are three pictures that would describe your life right now?”

We answered this question and I was astounded by their openness. The first girl picked a few cards, but the one that stood out to me was the picture of the chained door. She shared that ever since coming to Beijing, she has felt lonely and without close friends to share her deep thoughts with. She feels locked up.

Next, Apple shared. (Her mom gave her the English name Apple because it was one of few English words that she knew at the time. Her sister’s English name is not Banana, it’s Natalie.) Apple pointed at the picture of one man, standing alone with his shadow. She, too, shared that she felt lonely and unable to express her true feelings to a close friend. These two girls were aching to feel loved, to be understood. Yet found themselves “depressed with a dull life” were the English words that Apple used.

Then, it was my turn. I shared the picture with a person kneeling before a cross. I shared with them I was a Christian and what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus. I picked a picture of a girl reading and writing, when I correlated that to my morning devotions and spending time with God. I told them that because I know God, even when I feel lonely, I know He is always there.

The discussion continued, they sat on the edge of their seats and I felt a nudge from the Spirit to share with them. I took out a few pieces of paper and started drawing the familiar Bridge illustration.

Although these girls did not make a decision to start a relationship with Jesus, I still enjoyed this opportunity to share the Gospel. It was the first time in a while that I shared with Chinese people, and it brought so much joy to my heart. I’m excited to see what else God has in store for these girls this year!

Tears of the Saints

November 8, 2013

“Every time I come out of the subway and see the masses of people trying to shove their way on the subway, I want to cry.”

This statement that came out of my Chinese friend’s mouth surprised me. With a serious look on her face and the sense of urgency in her eyes, she continued, “There are so many people in China… in Beijing. These aren’t just bodies, their souls.”

We continued our talk about how we, the body of Christ, often forget about the urgency of the Gospel when crowded out with life activities. Work, lunch appointments, ministry meetings, coffee dates, social outings, etc. Life happens, we still attend Sunday morning service, yet every day, people are dying without ever hearing about Jesus.

My friend understood this. She’s constantly searching for ways to share with others. She prays constantly and she has a heart for the lost. The way she lives convicts me. Rather than hanging out with all of my comfortable international church friends, my desire is to start spending time with classmates and the Chinese around me.

When is the last time I actually full out shared the gospel with someone? It’s been a few months. If I think the Gospel is urgent, why haven’t I been acting upon it?

There’s a Christian artist called “Leeland” that plays a song called “Tears of the Saints”. It’s a powerful song, take a few minutes to listen to it here.

This is an emergency. Brothers and sisters, stay in step with the Spirit… may we be obedient in His work as He leads his sons and daughters home.

Grace Cubed

November 2, 2013

Today, I’m reflecting on a few different graces that I’m grateful for.

First, God’s grace that He lavishes on me every day. I’m blessed beyond measure to have had the opportunity to grow up in a home that valued and displayed God’s grace. I’m thankful for this grace that never fails, grace that extends beyond every one of my sins. God’s Grace.

The other two Graces I’m thankful for are two dear friends I’ve met in China. They’re both strong believers who have encouraged me. God knew I needed these two girls in my life!

Grace J. is Korean that grew up in America. She’s only here for a one-year term, so the fact that we’re both here at the same time is a miracle. We are like-minded in our love for the Lord and desire to glorify Him. She’s one of my best friends here in Beijing, a fluent English speaker, and one of the few people here that truly understand and know the real me. I’m so blessed to be able to share anything and everything with my wise, older sister in Christ.

Grace Z. is native Chinese with excellent English (otherwise we wouldn’t be good friends due to my low Chinese level). She works as a trip coordinator for American teams to come and serve. Grace is humble, genuine, and solid. Through attending weekly prayer nights at her house and spending time eating meals together, I’ve gotten to see her true heart for the Lord, for ministry, and for people.

I’m thankful for grace… His grace and my two friends named Grace. At different point in my life, I think God brings me to places just so I can meet certain people that will be influential in my spiritual walk. I think my two friends, Grace and Grace, are a few of those certain influential people.

Truly Believing

October 29, 2013

I’ve been spending a lot of time with good American friend of mine who is a non-believer. She told me the church hurt her during her first year in college and since then, she’s gone further away from the Lord. These believers didn’t actually know why they believed what they believed, so she was skeptical about what Christianity really was. It got to the point that my friend lost hope for all Christians in the world.

I, along with a few other believers in my community, have loved on her and have gotten into deeper conversations with her. Through her interactions with us, she’s seen something different about us. She told me that she admires and respects that we truly know what we believe. We’ve studied, we’ve read about God, and we know why we believe what we believe.

She said that through meeting us, we’ve redeemed her view on all Christians in the world.

What a crazy thought. The truth is that all true believers should know why they believe that they believe, because he or she has been transformed by the death, love, and resurrection of Jesus. In China, that’s not even a question. Believers here are committed, because when they say yes to Jesus, they know persecution is right around the corner. From what I’ve observed in America, it seems like some people go to church for a good reputation. The truth is that many churchgoers don’t personally know who our Lord Jesus Christ is, or don’t know why they believe what they say they believe.

Today my prayer is for true believers to stand firm in their faith. I also am lifting up those who attend church all over the world, but who haven’t experienced Jesus. I’m praying for followers of Christ to love the world, so that others may see Christ through us… so that God can redeem those non-believers who have skewed perceptions of His church, just like my friend. May we be people of strong belief in faith in our Christ Jesus!

Friendship Costs

October 5, 2013

A few nights ago, I was texting one of my best friends from America, Chrissy. Chrissy and I know each other inside and out. We were roommates in college for three years and have grown even closer since we graduated. Chrissy is currently on staff with Cru, a college campus ministry. To this day, we continue to keep in touch with each other’s lives, pray for one another in our different ministries, and encourage one another through the seasons of life.

Chrissy and I had a texting conversation for about 20 minutes. Through that time we talked about random things- mutual friends, ministry in our different locations, a guy she’s dating, and prayer requests. After my bedtime approached and tiredness set in, I ended our conversation and just started thinking.

If I was in America, this conversation wouldn’t have to stop… because we would be in the same time zone. We could text any time, all the time. Out of all people in this world, Chrissy and my parents know me the best. At times, I just longed to have a dear friend in my presence. That night was one of them.

I thought about all the deep talks that we had in our previous years together, and I missed those. I missed my best friend. I missed being around someone who knew me inside and out. Yes, I’ve talked to her multiple times through Skype, email, and international texting apps, but it’s still different than actually being together physically. Talking through video chat from around the world doesn’t allow for conversations to get as deep. You can only see so much of someone’s emotions and facial expressions through a computer screen. Also, when internet becomes choppy, the video part goes off and hearing a friend’s voice is the only connection we have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for Internet. I’m not sure if I could be this far away from my loved ones without ways to communicate through the web. Still, all relationships are different when the only time you visibly see them is through a 2D computer screen.

I laid in bed that night with tears welling up in my eyes. I missed my best friend. Sure, I’m making friends here and relationships are deepening, but no one knows me like Chrissy does. It’s been 7 years of life that we’ve gone through together- through joys, deaths, pains, and transitions. Nothing can replace that friendship and sisterhood I have with her. I wrote this email to her the next day:

____________________________________

After I stopped texting and laid in bed, I got sad. I was sad because I’m not around to hear about this guy you’re dating. I was sad because we couldn’t just have a late night chat about deep things. I seriously miss those. I was sad because the person that knows me best in thousands of miles away. Yes, I’m making friends, but they obviously don’t know me like you do!

That’s the first time I felt that way. I miss solid friends who know me inside and out. My eyes watered and I pulled out the books you wrote notes in to me before I left for China. I laid in bed and prayed for you, tears in my eyes, and I just kept thinking of that story, “This is the Cost”. It’s hard. I’m really starting to learn what this sacrifice looks like. I’ve never experienced “The Cost” when I’ve been here for just three months.

But, it’s the cost of truly following Jesus and desiring a strong relationship with Him above all else. I fell asleep with the assurance that:

Yes, Dad has called me here.
Yes, I miss you and others that know me so well.
Yes, I know why I’m here and that there is purpose behind it.
Yes, this is hard, and will remain tough at times.
Yes, Dad knows what He’s doing and He is faithful and good.

So, there’s a bit of me sharing my heart. I miss you so much!

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All my relationships with my family and friends in America have changed. Inevitably, they will remain permanently changed and will continue to change this year in China goes on. It’s life. It’s the cost of leaving what I know and love for something greater, something better, something He has called me to.

And still, here I am, missing home but confident in my purpose here. These costs are felt in a real way, but the encounters I’m experiencing with Jesus are far worth counting the costs. He’s taught me so much already in the 6 weeks I’ve been here. I’m eager to see what else is in store!

Yes, costs will remain. They always will. But the power of the cross is worth any cost. It’s a cost that I’m committed to carry.

This is the Cost

Saturday, September 28, 2013

There’s a cost to coming to living overseas for the sake of the gospel. The benefits are obviously eternal and rewarding, but at times the costs are overwhelming.

Today, I was reminded of the cost when a good friend in China, Grace, shared with me the sudden death of her best friend’s father. After their phone conversation, Grace looked at me and said, “I want to go to Los Angeles to be with her.” Reality struck when we realized Grace’s China visa was being updated at China’s Public Security Bureau. She doesn’t have her passport. After thinking through options, we came to the conclusion that she couldn’t go to LA. There was no way that she could physically be with her best friend during this time of need.

Grace, her boyfriend, and I talked a little bit about the death and how Grace could help. Grace asked me about the death of my best friend in 2008. I shared with her how I coped with my loss, but told her that no one can help in those situations. God was the ONLY one I could turn to because no one could understand.

As I left Grace to call her friend again, I headed home. I couldn’t get Grace and her best friend out of my head. I thought of my three best friends at home. What if they lost their dads suddenly? Of course, I would want to be there for them, no doubt. But, would I be able to leave school and my life here for at least a week to be with them? Would I be able to afford a last minute plane ticket home?

These thoughts and questions reminded me of a story below that friend shared with me about counting the cost of serving overseas. Even though American Christians put overseas missionaries on pedestals and make them sound “more spiritual” than the normal congregation, there’s truly nothing glamorous about being continents away from your family, your closest friends, and all your comforts of your home.

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This is the Cost
By a Pioneer in Europe

“This is the cost,” she says to me with tears brimming. Sitting on my couch, with legs curled under her… coffee in hand, she confidently says, “… and this is part of the cost, isn’t it?”

The cost-benefit ratio of following God’s lead and moving overseas is complex and varied. Are there benefits? Absolutely! We can count abundant benefits to our family, our marriage, our kids and our spiritual lives. There are many, many benefits to living a life of service overseas.

But, are there costs? Of course. Yes, absolutely. There are painful, daily, humiliating and difficult costs on our lives. I think, that said, there is a cost to any God-following obedience… taking up our cross, He calls it in Scripture. There is always a cost to following Christ.

The cross… although it brings innumerable benefits… is painful and heavy.

The costs of moving out of your home culture to serve alongside the Good Shepherd, though, are unique. And, these costs are heavy.

“This is the cost,” she says half smiling- half ready to cry.

My heart knows exactly what she is saying… I get it. And, I say, “Yes!” …Yes, I say as my eyes now brim with tears, too.

… Missing your sister’s wedding.
… Missing your niece’s birth.
… Receiving an email (not a call) about your mother’s health.
… Having your young child ask you again, “Now, who is that person? …What is his name?” And, he is referring to your brother, his uncle.
… Missing those in-between years when nephews grow from babies to boys… boys to men.
… Missing that graduation, that 40^th birthday party and the Thanksgiving dinner.
… Being forgotten. Or instead, being so deeply missed that you are the source of someone’s pain. Which is better?
… Raising kids that are not “normal.” And they know it.
… Not having that youth group, that Grandma’s mentoring, or that Christian soul friend for a young budding daughter.
… Not having that booming, beautiful, vibrant worship service each week.
… Having to choose which stateside family crisis is worth the price of an international flight… and having to go alone, because tickets for the others are too expensive.
… Not having a primary care doctor that knows you, has known your medical history or even your name.
… Not helping with your dear friend’s wedding shower or attending her dad’s funeral.
… Missing it. …Not being there. …Not having.

Is it worth it? …What a crazy, silly question, we both know. Even with brimming tears we know- of course it is worth it! We hardly have to ask each other the question. We know what He has asked of us. And, we know His will is for His glory and our best. We know the benefits. We know our Good Father and His blessings. So, of course it is worth it!

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

The benefits most definitely outweigh the cost. Always. Where else are we to go?

But, there is a cost. And, there is a cross.

And, we must carry it. And, yes, this is the cost.

 ____________________________________

It’s the cost of discipleship, the cost of truly following Jesus. There are eternal benefits with monetary afflictions. The costs and cross are heavy, but abundantly worth it.

“But, there is a cost. And, there is a cross.
And, we must carry it. And, yes, this is the cost.”

Mentorship & Erica

September 16, 2013

It was my second week at Beijing International Christian Fellowship (BICF). Since there is such high turnover in an international church, they always start by asking new people to introduce themselves and what they are doing along with those who are leaving Beijing. This particular Sunday, I heard a girl named Erica stand up and say, “I’m from America and will be studying at Beijing Language and Culture University for a semester.” My head turned as I heard my school named over the microphone. I stared over at her to catch a glimpse of her face, and made a mental note to catch her later to chat.

Over a lunch date on campus, I learned she was from Connecticut and was studying abroad for a semester. She told me about her life story and how God had given her a heart and passion for China. We shared the struggles of moving to a foreign country in a place where absolutely no one knows the real you. I saw her passion to grow spiritually and her desire to invest in her classmates. When I ran into her outside of campus the other day, I asked her if she wanted to start getting lunch once a week. Enthusiastically, she said yes!

Tonight, I stopped over at her dorm room in the international student building. After chatting about our classes, I told her my desire to invest in and mentor women younger than me. I asked her if I could have the privilege of spending time with her this semester and encouraging her in her walk. She told me that her strong community of believers back home worried about her spiritual growth while in China. When I asked her to lunch weekly a few days ago, the first thought in her head was, “God, maybe you sent Jenn to be a mentor to me!”

The funny thing is that God impressed on my heart to invest in those younger than me. He also reminded me the passion I have for encouraging disciples to keep seeking Him. I starting thinking about who was in my life, who loved the Lord, and who was eager to grow spiritually, and the first person I thought of was Erica. We’re catching lunch tomorrow and will do so each week.

I feel privileged to be able to invest in Erica for the next few months. My college years were crucial and essential to my spiritual growth and I would not be the person I am today with mentors that took the time to encourage me. So, I’m excited to challenge her with some similar challenges that have been given to me. It’ll be fun to share experiences together as we’re across the world from home and be able to process life together. And, I know God will bring us back to Him and remind us of the Gospel.

Thanks to all of you who have invested in me in any amount. You older women know who you are! You have taught me to love the Lord, love people, and seek out those around me and encourage them to keep chasing Jesus!

Ripe Harvest

September 13, 2013

I completed my first week of Chinese classes today. In just one week, my classmates and I went from the awkward state of silence and wanting to make friends to being talkative, getting to know each other, and frustrating the teacher because our breaks would go long due to conversations and laughter. Today, I made it a goal to meet 3 students in my class.

There are 20 students in my class, including myself. I’m close to learning everyone’s names and where they are from. Victor is from Mexico, Sindy from France; Sarah from Seattle, Washington, Ahmed from Bahrain, Karmal and Mazin from Oman, John from Canada, Kate and Chris from the UK, Jack from Italy, along with the others I can’t remember the names of right now from Kazakhstan, Japan, Vietnam, Russia, and Tajikistan. And that’s just my class! I’ve met others from New Zealand, Spain, Switzerland, Australia, Nigeria, Libya, Ecuador, Costa Rica, Brazil, and a probably a few more.

My goal for this year is for each of my classmates to know who I am and what I stand for. I want them to know that I’m a Christian, a Christ follower, who loves Jesus and is willing to sacrifice anything for Him. I want them to see through my lifestyle and my words that I love the Lord, love each of them, and desire them to know my God. Although we are only a week in, I am striving to build relationships with each of my English-speaking classmates (there are a few who don’t speak much English). Through these relationships, I hope to build a bridge to sustain the weight of the gospel. I want them to see Christ through me. I want to share my testimony with them and tell them why I’m really here in China. I want to seek Christ in a way that makes them ponder what the purpose of their life is. I’ve been praying heavily for God to grant me favor in the eyes of my teachers and classmates, so that they may be open to the Good News of Jesus Christ.

I’m starting to think that attending a school like mine is one of the best ways to spread the gospel to the world. There are thousands of students from dozens of countries from the 6 main continents. I had a vision of starting a Bible study for my class. I had thoughts of me just going to school for the next few years, focusing on nothing else besides the natural classmate interactions and from that having a fruitful ministry. I had vision of seeing me working at a school like this, helping develop, organize, and arrange the international student program in the registration and orientation process to maximize efficiency and effectiveness in the international student’s experience.

Needless to say, I’m enjoying school. It’s not because my Chinese is superb, but because the harvest is ripe! God has strategically placed me at this school for a reason. I am eager to continue cultivating these relationships as I prayerfully ask for opportunities to have deeper conversations.

The harvest is ripe, but the laborers are few. I am still seeking one solid Christian girl to “do life” with me. Wouldn’t it be incredible to be part of leading a classmate to the Lord and then asking God to change the hearts of our entire class? That’s what I’m boldly praying for now. I’m expecting laborers for this harvest in front of me!